+ About Carina
The Founder of CiCis Ayurveda
Carina is the founder of the wellness lifestyle brand CiCis Ayurveda, a digital platform focused on blending modern living with Ayurveda. Through this space she provides educational content, tools and services to guide the collective to take the power of their health and well-being back into their own hands, naturally with Ayurveda. Carina first became devoted to the holistic health system after it it’s simple but powerful logical and metaphysical tools helped her to begin to heal many years of chronic mental and physical illness. After years of exhausting various avenues with no hope, Ayurveda was the light she has been searching for all along. The results from her own health transformation were so inspiring and lead her to become certified in Ayurvedic Diet & Lifestyle, Life Coaching, Mindful Mental Health and Anatomy & Physiology. Carina is now deeply passionate about sharing it’s empowering knowledge, intuitive wisdom and fulfilling way of life in a way that is adaptable for modern conscious living.
Soothe, nurture - heal
WELCOME TO CiCiS Ayurveda, a space where i share my tools, teachings and truths to guide you on your health, healing and conscious living journey. Ayurveda helped me begin to heal many years of depression, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, panic disorder, chronic fatigue, insomnia, hypoglycaemia, chronic digestive issues, adrenal fatigue and burnout. My own health transformation, spiritual healing and path of empowerment ignited the passion deep within my soul to guide others on their own healing paths. To share the knowledge and tools of Ayurveda, so you too can live a life of true health, balance and well-being. The results were so liberating from the reality of health i had always known, and although my own journey tested me with many challenges, it lead me to my life purpose and there is no greater blessing than being able to give others the gift of health. Ayurveda is for everyone and knows no limits in the power it holds to be able to restore balance between the mind, body and spirit.
Ayurveda is a combined medical and spiritual science, and the intelligence goes far beyond the lifestyle, but to the ancient understanding behind why we take all these actions to be healthy in the first place. To live a life of true health, balance and joy, that allows us to be in alignment with our life’s purpose- the way in which we are of service to others, humanity and planet earth for the greater good. The responsibility to nourish our mind, body and spirit with daily care is so as a whole we are healthy, and able to fulfil our lifes dharma (purpose), to flourish in vitality and let the seeds of our spiritual consciousness bloom. Ayurveda is the greater understanding that we are one, we are nature and nature is us, i am you and you are me, we are all connected. It is to be in peaceful harmony within our selves, each other, the universe and to that who is always divinely guiding us along the way. To have your health is freedom, there is no greater, more valuable and powerful currency on this earth than your health. Health is your wealth, and without health you having nothing. Living a life of balance and internal peace is well within everyones reach, and Ayurveda holds all the wisdom to teach you how to get there and how to be your own healer. It takes having an open mind, heart and radical faith in the body’s innate power to heal when given the correct tools and nourishment to thrive.
No matter where you are on your healing journey, hold your faith and know that every moment is an opportunity to try again. Keep picking yourself back up, and choosing you over and over again. One thing that can not be taken away from an individual, is the choice to choose ones mindset and attitude in any given moment. You always have the choice to choose courage over fear, and to navigate a way of life that is supportive, nurturing and fulfilling. Here with my light, i compassionately guide you alongside your healing, growth and transformation journey with the deepest honour and integrity. It takes courage to step onto the path of healing, it may not always feel easy, but it is the path of infinite empowerment, strength and boundless liberation, that is sweetly guiding you home to your most authentic true Self. I know all too well what it feels like to not have the freedom of health, and with empathy from the deepest part of my heart i understand how painful that journey can be, and how you may be feeling right now. We are all complex beings navigating this human experience of life, and we truly are all in this journey together. I am here to be a source of light to show that it is possible to transform your life with your very own hands. You are deserving of a fulfilling lifestyle that is supportive of true health, balance and well-being.
I trust that you have been divinely guided here for a reason, and i’m so glad you made it.
CiCis Ayurveda is a space for me to share my tools, teachings and truths, to guide you on your health and conscious living journey.
AYURVEDIC DIET & LIFESTYLE CONSULTANT | KERALA, INDIA
INTENSIVE TRAINING 600hr (completion 2019)
ayurvedic diet & lifestyle | (CMA) Complimentary Medical Association
ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY | (CMA) COMPLIMENTARY MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
life coaching | cma (complimentary medical association
mindful mental health | (cma) complimentary medical association
ba (hons) fashion contour | london college of fashion
fashion buying & merchandising | london fashion retail academy
fashion retail & business | school of technology
+ Carina’s Ayurveda Story
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WELCOME TO CICIS AYURVEDA, i trust that this space found you at the exact time you needed it. My name is Carina Jones, and i warmly invite you to listen to a little story about my journey into Ayurveda. My life path so far has not been linear, and i know yours hasn’t too. I know you have also experienced many twists, turns and traumas. Confusion, questioning, aches and pains, alongside the blissful moments that wash all the darkness away. That is ok, because we are all these things, we are the highs and the lows, the shadows and the light. But what we are not, is destined to go through these moments alone. By sharing a small insight into my story i hope it can help inspire you that no matter where you are, or what you are going through, it is possible to transform and take the power of your health and wellbeing back into your own hands. All that matters right now is that you are taking the first step to do just that. It takes courage, strength and determination to show up for yourself, the fact you are reading this right now shows me you already have all of those things. You are more than equipped to begin your journey into healing from within- i know, its been a longtime coming, but you made it.
Ayurveda found me two years before the point i knew it would save me, guide me onto a path of rebuilding myself, slowly, but surely from the inside out. My respect and admiration for this holistic science runs deep into my heart, how can you not feel so devoted to something, which teaches you how to heal your lifelong pain that no one else could? Shows you that it is possible to feel whole, balanced and nurtured from within? My mind, body, emotions and spirit felt let a jigsaw puzzle, that had been thrown into mid air, the pieces landed so far away from each other. But, Ayurveda was the guide on how to slowly start putting the pieces back together, how to make the puzzle whole again. It did not promise me a quick-fix, but, it did promise me a way of life to last an entire lifetime.
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what you don’t own, owns you
My health journey has been a long winding path of many terrains that come with living in a state of mental and physical imbalance, one for many years i had no control over. I am a highly sensitive and empathic soul, i absorb everything right to my heart, i feel so deeply by nature. But, this delicate nature of mine was first put to the test in my very earliest memories of life, and would continue to be tested many times over. The night terrors, insomnia, PTSD, anxiety and hallucinations first began in my childhood, from the tender age of four the lens of which i would view life was not one of a childlike innocence. My inner essence had already been layered with the deep conditioning of terror, fear, low self-worth and shame. The painful tests continued over the years, and the mental imbalances i unconsciously lived with throughout my childhood began to manifest deeper. By the age of twelve the depression, anxiety, depersonalisation and panic attacks began. My immunity, vitality and internal fire was already depleted, and for more than ten years i would navigate the darkest depths of what comes with these realities. Its painful, heart-wrenching and confusing when you can’t see a way out, and even more so when no one else around you can help you see a way out either.
My internal world had collapsed, and in many shapes and forms did this reflect in my external world, the way i interacted with myself, others and lifes experiences. The chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety too crippling to step out the front door would turn days into weeks; isolation, despair and self-loathe were feelings all too familiar. The insomnia and fear of sleep would kick in, as i would dread another night of night terrors, sleep paralysis and waking up crying, feeling too anxious to fall back asleep. The PTSD was intrusive and left me feeling vulnerable and unable to cope. Many of my days would be tears that turned into collapsed sadness, anger and grief. For years i felt lost with no direction to turn-my health owned me, i didn’t own it. No matter how much i tried to numb or hide the sorrow i carried, i knew that one day i would have to face it all. Face all my pain, shadows and fears. I would have to run courageously into the fire and begin to heal from the root, but the universe had this planned for me far sooner than i had known. I would always cry out for someone or something to help me, but only if i knew then what i know now- that person i was crying out for all those years was me, and that something was Ayurveda.
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THE BURNOUT WALL
By the age of twenty-two i had hit the burnout wall. Years of living in mental and physical disconnection and imbalance had caught up with my fragile mind and body that couldn’t take it any more. At this point i was trying to juggle the fast-paced city life, relationships, challenging circumstances in my personal life, and all the tests and trials that come with disconnected and unconscious modern living. As days went by of desperately trying to discuisge the damage my mental health was doing to my wellbeing, my physical body began to reflect what was happening within. My digestion felt as if it had come to a hault stop, eating became excruitality painful and a time of tears and confusion, i couldn’t digest any foods without chronic swelling, shooting pains, hazy vision and nausea following after. At the lowest point of my digestion, l would black out straight after eating and wake up hours later and not recall what happened. I developed adrenal fatigue, hypoglycemia and a long list of food intolerances to the point i was barely eating at all, and when i did eat the gut-wrenching pains and balloon like bloating would expand even more. The chronic dizziness, brain fog, anxiety and fatigue left me feeling like i was dragging around a body that didn’t belong to me- i didn’t feel like i was in my own skin, but the skin i was in was inflamed, swollen and too sore to touch. The adrenal fatigue left me barely able to keep my eyes open during the day, shaking and feeling unable to cope with the life, but then over stimulated with adrenaline at night when the dreaded sleep cycle would begin again.
I felt twenty-two going on nighty-two; my whole body constantly ached, stepping out of bed in the morning i would be ridden with pain from my ankles, to my hips and along my spine. Exhausted and drained before the day had even begun. I tried to hide how much i was suffering, i didn’t want anyone to truly know the depths i was wading through out of fear. The constant life-long fear of being a burden, the judgement and not being understood. The pain of my pain being dismissed and not taken ‘seriously’, felt like a vicious cycle- all the deep layers of societal and anccestral shame that are associated with mental health. The old-paradigm conditioning of if you can’t see it then it doesn’t exist, the get over it and don’t express your emotions mentality left me feeling trapped. This toxic way of thinking washes over how paralysing invisible illnesses can be, how much damage it can cause when you are struggling to cope with daily life like everyone else. I was ashamed to be feeling this way, ashamed of my mind that couldn’t see beyond the darkness, as if i was living inside a black hole, no matter how light the world around me was. Confused at the toxic thoughts that would lead me into episodes of self-harm and guilt, breaking down into tears at the sight of my own reflection, so desperately wishing to be outside of my body, to be free of the daily voice telling me to end it all. But, the more i kept trying to suppress what i was going through, the more the chronic inflammation grew and my symptoms kept getting worst. The pain of my trapped emotions were manifesting in my physical body in a desperate plea to get me to listen.
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fROM GP TO VAIDYA
After months, weeks and hours spent going from one specialist to the next, from gynaecologists, gastronenterologist to dermatologists- every avenue you can think of, nothing was working. I would leave in floods of tears after every appointment, feeling more hopeless than the last, each specialist i saw evoked no sense of empathy, i was just another number on the list of hundreds of people dealing with a long list of painful symptoms, that would be identified as cause unknown. No one could give guidance to the root cause of what was going on with my health and digestion, not once did any specialist suggest it was linked to the years of mental imbalances or my diet and lifestyle. I was unable to digest any medication or supplement i was prescribed, and no one had suggested advice for my mental health, that was effecting every part of my life from personal to professional. Everything was falling apart inside and around me and still no one could help. I was being observed as a set of singular symptoms segregated from each other, and the only solution i could be offered from the various experts i had waited for months to see, was antidepressants to numb the pain. At the age of twelve was the first time i was offered this prescription, and the frustration, hopelessness and confusion of only ever hearing this same answer, for over a decade, from those i was meant to have faith in to help me was too much at this time. Surely there was another way? It took three years of struggling with my mental health before i was first diagnosed in 2010 with depression, anxiety and PTSD, but the lack of emotional support around me at that time left me vulnerable and unable to cope.
During the point of going one from specialist the next, i was still trying to juggle fast paced city-life, and had just started a placement at a design studio in West London. Each morning i would arrive with a brave smile on my face as i tried to hide the agonising pain i was in, on my breaks i would find somewhere to be alone and sit down on the floor from the nausea, aches and swelling. Many times i would return back to the studio after having just wiped the tears from my face, and step into the act that everything was fine- the double act i had mastered over the years. I was determined to keep going, I didn’t want this internship to be another part of my life my health was going take away from me, but, the sinking sadness grew heavy of knowing it was heading that away. Eventually enough was enough, and i had to leave my placement after collapsing shortly after arriving one morning. It was a blur, a painful one at that. It was hazy from the moment my eyes began to slightly open, blurred faces peering in front of me, my face numb and unable to feel my left arm or both hands. I felt broken and embarrassed, there was no more hiding what was going on.
There are many moments too dark and too explicit to recall over the years i knew that i things desperately had to change, but i just didn’t know how, i didn’t know where to start or who to go to. The final surrender came to me after i had woken up following eighteen hours, after blacking out from a dibilitating panic attack. Body frozen, blury vision and daggering pains in my heart and behind my eyes, with the only thought pounding in my head telling telling me to finally end it all, how had i lived this way for over a decade? Whats the point in existing with so much pain? The ruminating impulsive thoughts that would tell me my life is worthless, i shouldn’t exist, i’m a burden to everything and everyone, i’m not safe, my voice isn’t safe to be heard, i am shameful and should be ashamed. In a state of exhaustion, depletion and emptiness. I was terrified, i had no where to turn, i had tried every avenue, how was i ever going to heal? Who was ever going to help me? But, it came to me, there was one last thing i hadn’t tried- Ayurveda. It was in this moment my initiation into healing began. I had discovered Ayurveda two years before i found myself sat opposite an Ayurvedic doctor, who would guide me on to my first steps of healing. But ten months prior, i had began to research into this science deeper and I became, obsessed, i think is the right word- very quickly. I was yet to put it into practice, but just the information alone i was absorbing, was giving me logic to understand every mental and physical imbalance i was going through, with language i didn’t even know existed. For the first time out of the countless health books i had read, hours spent researching, appointments in one hospital to the next and listening to clinical experts repedeatly tell me the words “there is no cure, you just have to learn to live like this”. Ayurveda was revealing the answers to everything- answers that no expert ever could. It was giving me a glimpse of hope that there was something out there that could help me.
Finally, the appointment had arrived the past ten years of my health journey had been leading me towards. As i sat opposite the warm-hearted Ayurvedic doctor, i collapsed into tears, i couldn’t have felt further outside my body. The crippling anxiety stronger than ever, the dull heaviness of the fatigue felt like i was dragging weights attached to my ankles, my IBS severely swollen, and the shooting pains in my gut, head and across my chest making it impossible to sit still. Burning acne across my face that would lead me into tears if i caught a glimpse of my reflection, and stopped me from leaving the front door for weeks out of shame, and the red, sore hives across my chest and back painful against any clothes i wore. Depletion from the lack of sleep was a given, and the PTSD as terrorising and intrusive as always- its safe to say my mind and body was an extremely confusing place to be.
In that moment the first words i said to her were “please, i don’t want to live like this anymore”, the Vaidya looked at me sweetly and softly replied “it’s time to start letting go”. Just from looking at me she already knew it was a deeper emotional imbalance that i was dealing with, and after an Ayurvedic tongue analysis she further gently told me “depression, deep, deep in the tissues. Depression first rooted from your childhood, you carry a lot of pain and its making you sick, but i have full faith and you are going to heal”. I stared at her blankly, “is this the root of everything?" i asked, she slowly nodded with her eyes closed, “every pain in the body, first comes from the mind”. For the first time i had been seen, heard, acknowledged, without judgment and with faith that i was going to be ok, there was light at the end of this darkness. The first advice i was suggested was to begin journaling for fifteen minutes everyday with a pen and paper, and little did i know that this would be the most profound piece of advice i would ever be gifted. I was then prescribed specific lifestyle and nutritional advice according to my unique mind-body type, with Ayurvedic herbs, daily self-care practices, movement and and a specific diet to follow to begin the healing process. This would be the very beginning of detoxifying a lifetime build up of undigested emotions and toxins in my mind and body. This was not the easy way out or the quick-fix solution, but one of true courage, strength and determination onto a path of internal healing.
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THE PATH OF HEALING
I was at rock bottom, and when you hit rock bottom the only direction you can begin to go is up. I had to leave my life in London and everything i had worked towards to begin to recover, a decision out of my control but one of urgency. My body had shut down. Feeling empty and lifeless dosen’t come close to describe the state i was in. Days merged into weeks and eventually into months, where i would slowly transition through a time of darkness. But, what i know now is that all along it was a actually a time of transformation. For months i would cry to be well, cry for it to all be over from my bed-bound state. It is the ultimate freedom to have a body that is able, and a dose of reality of what that means when you are incapable of even feeding yourself, or being able to take a few feable steps without needing help. I would sleep for up to seventeen hours a day, and the moments i were awake i still felt exhausted, and would cry tears that words can not describe. Depression is dark, twisted and cruel, i couldnt bare to see my own reflection, to see the shadow looking at back at me, the one for so many years i had been running away from. This disconnection from my own Self led me into a time of isolation, i didn’t see friends or family for months, and the handful of those i did see included that of my extremely patient psychotherapist who i will be eternally grateful for. The first person i ever trusted to begin to fully open up too, to say it was challenging is an understatement, but the best decision i ever made. I was so disconnected from my mind, body and emotions, i couldn’t identify my emotions at all. All i had known was carrying an overwhelming mixed pain of feelings, that i had never been taught how to identify or express. I thought that anger was violence, abuse and rage, and fear was only when your body was trembling. I didn’t understand that emotions were internal waves of energy that just needed to be acknowledged, felt and held space for from within. I had always associated emotions with actions and not something to be experienced from inside.
It was a fragile time of teaching myself and my inner-child for the first time how to cope, it was her that was hurting the most and needed healing too. The blurred weeks and months became a time of of complete inward solitude; reflection, questioning, facing fears, owning shadows, crying, screaming, learning, journaling, releasing, falling, picking myself back up, falling again, reprogramming my sub-conscious, challenging my conditionings, growing my self worth, rewriting my limiting beliefs, befriending my fear, honouring my anger, lifting blockages, expressing my emotions, nurturing my inner child, healing ancestral wounds, letting go, radical forgivness, radical accountability, transmuting, transforming, listening to my heart, trusting divine, connecting to source and meeting my highest Self. Every single day i committed to the inner-work, no matter how much the darkness would pull me down and leave me feeling vulnerable and unable to cope, i would find the strength to choose healing and to choose life. To me true strength lies within still showing up for yourself when everything is telling you not too.
It was a slow and steady process, but with Ayurveda by my side i soon enough began to experience huge internal shifts in my mind and body as the healing began to unfold. Some days i would question if anything was working at all, but you can not rush the healing of nature and patience really is a virtue. To surrender to each present moment that you are enough, everything you are doing is enough, and all is working out at the exact divine timing. With the Ayurvedic lifestyle practices, nutrition, medicinal herbs and the daily care of my mental and emotional health, for the first time in years my symptoms started to heal. My chronic fatigue began to get lighter, the crippling anxiety that once had me collapsing into panic attacks, shaking and being physcially sick in public, for the first time began to calm. Instead of my mornings starting with floods of tears and questioning the worthiness of my existence, what took its place was gratitude, faith and courage. My digestion that was burn-out and depleted also began to heal; through working through and digesting my emotions, i was able to start digesting my life and nutrients from the foods i was eating. The mind-body connection is at the corner-storne of Ayurveda, and this was evident to me, as the more i worked on healing my mind and emotions, my body was healing alongside them too.
For the first time in my life i felt inside my body, i felt grounded, i felt balanced, i felt nourished, i felt whole. In disbelief at this feeling that felt too good to be true from the reality i had always known, many times i would question is this what it feels like to be whole? To have a mind and body that is one? It was like a miracle, and the best part of this miracle is that it was from the power of my own hands. Healers hold the space for you to heal, and they teach you the tools, but it is you that does the internal work, the daily practices and finds the strength to keep going. Through this all, Ayurveda taught me the most sacred gift, of how to restore the delicate harmony between my mind, body, emotions and spirit, and from this gift it taught me unconditional self-love. How to love myself with compassion, kindness and forgiveness. It proved to me that we do hold the innate power and intelligence to transform from a cellular level, and with gentle guidance we can follow a path that is nurturing, nourishing and wholesome from within. Through lifestyle, nutrition, self-care, rituals and a path of conscious living i am always able to restore internal harmony.
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MAKING YOUR MESS YOUR MESSAGE
The more i began to heal, the more devoted i became to Ayurveda. After all these years i finally found everything i had been searching for, any question i had- Ayurveda answered it. When the birds would begin to sing their morning song, i would already be up reading and absorbing the knowledge of this profound science. So effortlessly i would retain its teachings, as if i had known it’s knowledge before, and the comfort of its words would soothe my mind in a way that nothing else could. My passion fuelled me to dive further into learning how to heal myself from within, eventually leading me to study a course in Ayurveda certified by the CMA. I was transforming, and right by my side i was equipped with simple but powerful logical and metaphysical tools on how to restore daily balance within my mind and body. How to simply, kindly and sweetly love myself, every single day. With the freedom of having health gives the freedom of being able to create your reality and enjoy each moment of life as a sacred gift.
This new found feeling of balance and wholeness leaves my heart bursting with gratitude, i feel like i’m seeing life through new eyes, playful like a child but grounded in my faith. The internal liberation is a feeling like no other, as i gently undo the layers of everything i am not, to become who i was destined to be in the first place. The path of surrender to my Self, is one i am now committed to as i navigate this experience with heightened awareness and see through the lenses of unconditional love, peace and gratitude. I can whole heartedly say i am grateful for every trauma and pain i have grown through, for they are part of my destiny. My soul chose these teachings for me to wade through the deepest hurt, so i would learn to uncover my true power and transform that pain into wisdom. This wisdom is the medicine for me to use, not to keep for myself, but to pour into the hearts of others and help heal the collective. That is all my heart deeply yearns for. This is my karmic service for humanity in this lifetime, to be a light for others that it is possible to heal and soothe even the most delicate of wounds. My traumas are my most powerful teachings, and have taught me strength, knowledge and courage that no person ever could. They have taken me to the darkest depths of my being, and taught me compassion that no book could ever explain. My old self is my biggest teacher in this lifetime, and with much fear and courage i had to let her go and step into the unknown. In the unknown of facing your fears is nothing other than stepping into your authentic truth, liberation, healing, power and transformation. My fear is now my inner compass and guide to exactly where i am meant to be going, if i feel fear i know there is an opportunity to grow, and with trust i lean in and surrender.
My health is far from perfect, and thats ok, because i am human and perfect health does not exist, but, my mind and body are now in a place that i could only of ever imagined before. There is a second person that i put my trust into who helped me get to where i am, and i will be eternally grateful for his selfless compassion, guidance and devotion to his healing practice. My guide Jordan Turner, a healer with the purest heart, who i know was divinely put onto my path to hold space for me to let go and step into my own power. By my side he guided me into my darkest shadows and showed me that there is always love, even in the most painful of moments, there is still unconditional love. He also ignited the courage within myself to own my story, a block that repeadtely came to surface was the fear and shame of anyone knowing my past, but the words came through him of “your story is inspiring, people need to hear you story”. Immediately i was taken back eleven years before, the first time i heard these words i was twelve years old at school, and the task for the lesson was to write a short story with the title My First Memory. A few days later i remember my teacher taking me aside at the end of the lesson when the classroom had emptied, taking off her glasses and weeping in front of me. She looked at me and said “Carina, in all my years of teaching, i have never read such powerful words from someone so young, you are going to inspire someone with your story one day, never forget that”. I looked at her with innocence and confusion as i watched the tears roll down her skin, i didn’t understand what she meant, but i understand now.
So here i am, sharing with you a little glimpse of faith that it is possible to heal. You can go from self-loathe to self-love, self-harm to self-healing, and self-abandonment to self-protection. The pain and darkness still has it’s moments, as i navigate the infinite path of my sacred healing journey. It requires acceptance, patience and true surrender to the transformation process. But, what i have now that i never had before is self-love. The type of love that seeps into all the wounds and melts them back together again, the type of deep unconditional self-love that makes you feel whole, full, complete. The type of love that washes over your scars and tells you to be proud of how far you have come, that you made it this far to days you didn’t think you would. That holds you softly and tells you, you are divinely supported always, loved always, cared for always. This love and wholeness does not come from anything outside of myself, but purely from the source within, the one that we are all connected too. I am now the guardian of my self-love, that which nourishes every single cell in my body. The emptiness, hollowness and sorrow i carried for years just needed me to stop seeking outside of myself, and give myself the unconditional love that i seeked. This powerful relationship with myself comes first before anyone or anything, so i can be whole, grounded and a generator of light for others around me- self-preservation is my number one priority. It is my responsibility to nurture and protect this connection between my mind, body, emotions and spirit, one i went from years of tormenting and torturing to now treasuring with forgivness. I have connected to the most powerful, infinite and trustworthy source that is attached to nothing exterior to my being, not to any object, person or place but soley from within. The ultimate best friend, teacher and healer all wrapped into one, who gently guides me back if i loose my way, gives me strength to let go of that which no longer serves me, and reminds me to never loose my faith.
From all of this mess, my message was born. The vision was to create a space and community that is nurturing, uplifting and inspiring. A place to share what is helping me heal, to help support others through their own healing and conscious living journeys. I have known the depths all too well of waking up wishing i hadn’t, the despair of many lifeless days i would shed uncontrollable tears from this lifetime and many lifetimes before. Feeling completely alone as if no one understood how dark i would go under, and how hard it is to get myself back up every time. In my heart i now can not bare the thought of anyone else wading through these times of darkness alone like i did, knowing Ayurveda holds such sweet wisdom to help soothe the sorest wounds and navigate you back to a place of wholeness and peace from within. I want this space to be your refuge during those moments. All the confusion and pain is just guiding you to surrender to your Self, and the transformation of your pain into your light. Your heart is waiting for you to stop for a moment and listen to its truth, as it tells you you are loved, you are worthy and you are needed. The world needs every single one of us, and you are reading this right now because it’s time for you to hear that- you are needed, every single thing about you is needed. Your pains are your biggest teachers, that gift you the wisdom of resilience, compassion and strength that you can not learn from a textbook. We each hold innate power within to heal, it can just need gentle guidance in the right direction to begin to uncover it. The soul purpose of CiCis Ayurveda comes from the deepest part of my heart, I am here to serve and to be a light for your darkness, and to create a space for you to heal in peace. There is no time on the infinite path of healing, no pressure, no end goal, let go of all expectations of what you think it should be, as every journey is so wildly unique. Practice gliding in the ebb and flow of each day of your path, through the waves of feelings and emotions. It’s ok to not be ok, to not have it all together all the time, give yourself permission to be human. No matter how low or how high you are feeling, welcome it all with love, just feel it, hear it, observe it and embrace it- surrender to resistance and be as you are. Healing is not to fix something, you are not broken, no part of you is broken, it never has been and never will be, no matter how broken you think you may feel. To heal is to give compassion and love, to accept with unconditional compassion the parts of you that need your care, the areas that may have been wrapped in fear that you have been too scared to touch. When we give love to these areas we accept ourselves as a whole and fully embrace all parts of our being, so exquisitely delicate and complex in the most profound of ways. What a power it is to feel and heal, to be human with emotions, to accept ourselves as a whole, surrender and give love. Everyone is worthy of the empowerment to set yourself free.
This is just a very small glimpse into my story, to go into the darkest depths and highest highs of my journey would definitely require something the length of a novel. But, i do hope by sharing a little bit about my health story you are inspired to know that no matter where you are on your journey, it is possible to transform and take the power of your health back into your hands- it is never too late. Each moment we are given is an opportunity to try again. No matter how far you have drifted, or how low you have fallen, you always have the chance to pick yourself back up and try again.
You’ve got this.
All my love,